Monday, November 30, 2009

"There IS no dessert!"

The holiday season. Filled with sugar and warmth and bread. Things you probably take for granted.

You see, about a week ago my mother stumbled upon a little devil called "The Sugar Challenge," composed by Dr. Eric Snow (whoever he is..). The Challenge states that for three weeks, one cannot have any sugar except natural sugar. Sounds like no candy, right? Oh so wrong.

My mother leaped at the idea, and thinking this "diet" could help me evade Christmas pounds, I joined her in the challenge. 21 days. How hard could it be?


I'm only allowed to eat vegetables, fruit, meat, cheese, eggs, and nuts. That's right, no bread. I love bread. When I get home from school, sluggish from all the homework stuffed into my bag, I think nothing's better than eating something warm and with bread. I must resort to cheese now. Today I drank herbal tea. Rather a long shot from hot chocolate. And zucchini soup. Not even going to start on that one.

At lunch, I bring fruit. This isn't that big of a shock, as I've been snacking on apples for the past year in the cafeteria. But there's something about cafeteria food. It's, once again, warm and appetizing. After a cold morning of school, I need warm, comfort food. Does fruit provide this? Heavens no. It's cold and wet. It also doesn't help to watch people eat junk food the whole half-hour of lunch. And, of course, they get too filled up with all that saturated fat, and they offer me the food. I politely decline.

I walked by a vending machine and realized I can have nothing in it.

I miss granola bars, as they've been my diet for the past three months.

Despite all this lovely complaining, I'm hoping three weeks of this torture will pay off in the end. It's only the fourth day. Why yes, I'm being a tad over-dramatic. I'll keep updates to see if my view has changed on the Challenge.

Friday, November 27, 2009

keep in mind I'm a little rusty

She was alone in a sea of people. Despite the close knit fabricated by the bodies, coldness still managed to bite her. She drew her frayed coat closer around her, trying to retain nonexistent warmth. Waiting for the subway was low on her list of enjoyment. She scanned the nearest people around her. Typical. A woman desperately trying to control her crazed children. A bulky man that looked like he could punch the daylights out of her. A young man clad in a suit, gripping a briefcase. Probably business man. Lawyer. Waste his life away in an office. He kept a straight face, because in his world the poker face was a necessity. Already going downhill, but frantically trying to pull his life together.

She blinked. No, his life probably wasn’t anything like hers. Or what used to be of it.

After agonizing minutes, the bullet pulled into its place. Like a herd of cattle, the ocean of people surged forward. Sucked into the tidal wave of boarding, she managed to squeeze through the doors. It would be a fight for a seat, but she was willing to claw her way to one. After today, she needed to sit down.

She mentally checked off what had gone wrong today. Rent was overdue. Job going to ashes. In fact, she hated it. What happened to her dream? It crumbled, and now she was left with the ruins she had now.

She mentally checked off what was going wrong in her life. Boyfriend had put her out with the trash. Boss had recently replaced his heart with a stone. Happiness was like a mirage. Seeing it, she ran full on, but once she arrived, nothing was there. Reality was there. Nightmare?

Pulling her bag on her lap, she fished out a photograph. A younger version of her grinned back at her, enveloped in the arms of four of her friends. Endless memories wove through them, each one stitched together with love. At the end of high school, promises blossomed. Yes, I’ll call everyday! You know we’ll be visiting each other every weekend. Driving up to your school isn’t a problem at all! It was goodbye, just an extended vacation without them. It’s just college. A few miles can’t stop us.

Apparently, distance held more weight than they thought.

A reunion. Proposed by the most creative one out of their group. After six years. To her knowledge, everyone had enthusiastically agreed. Heck, it had felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Maybe, it would be like there had never been an absence. Maybe with everyone back together, her life would pick itself back up and everything would be a blissful ride like it was in high school. Maybe they could fix her.

Friends can’t fix lives. The joy of reunion slowly decomposed to anxiety. All her friends were probably successful. Half were most likely married. Rich, even. Mothers, possibly? Self-consciousness swallowed her. What was she? Poor. Desperate. Failing job. Well, you’ve got it going on. What if they judged her? This question brought forth a new wave of fear that was starting to drown her.

Well, there’s no going back. The subway had kicked her onto the curb of her destination. An up-scale restaurant. She hoped she could afford an appetizer. Who chose this again? Oh yes, mutual agreement. She must have been on something when complying.

Take a gulp of air, she began walking toward the restaurant.

“Look! There... she is...”

“Oh! Um, hey?”

“Wow look at... you!”

Embarrassment slapped her on the face, leaving a blush. This was a disaster. She had fallen since high school. She didn’t belong with these people. They had risen above her. How rude wold it be to turn around and exit? She could say she had forgotten something...

The vision left her mind. Oh, God. What if that happened? She was screwed. If she had half a brain, she would turn around now. Stand them up. Sure.

She pushed the glass door open. One step at a time. One breath at time. She spotted them. Insecure, much? Too late to dash, they’ve spotted you.


Four pairs of arms attacked her at once. They held her tight, their babbling voices cheerfully pecking her with questions. But she didn’t hear them. They still cared. That was all that mattered. They still loved.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

a title is needed.

I'm slowly inching my way back into this.

Very slowly.

Anyway, I have plans to run away from school , preferably tonight, leaving my mound of of homework in my backsack where it can wither away and grow yellow. This plan reminds me of another: overwhelmed with the thought of going through the college process, my friend and I have adopted the motto "Who NEEDS education?" and we'll be touring Europe sometime in the fall of 2011. After that I think we'll bum a living in the great NYC, me becoming a successful author while she's on Broadway. Lovely life.

School update:
APUSH has taken over my life. It's a historical monster that taunts me with the Reconstruction and Andrew Johnson, while it sprinkles dates on me that I have no hope of remembering. Too many reading guides, too many tests, and essays that go against everything you've learned in English. While all hope seems lost, however, the teacher (Hunsaker!) is "boss" as they say, and she makes the class worthwhile. For Christmas we're making her the correct depiction of Washington Crossing the Delaware, as the original painting is a spatter of lies.

For band, marching season is at a close. Now we just have to wait for the football team to lose in the playoffs so we'll never have to roll-step on that crummy parking lot again! Maybe Friday... maybe Friday. We're getting into concert mode, my embrasure is screwed up from playing piccolo (but that's okay) and we have mid-terms coming up and I don't even know the music. Woo.

Chemistry. I understand it! End of story. Go home and feel joy for me people, I'm raking in those As.

All other subjects are irrelevant at the moment.

If I had time, I would insert a little something from a story I had composed, but since I don't, be satisfied with this.