Sunday, May 31, 2009

what happens on a lazy Sunday afternoon

This afternoon I was curled under an oak tree reading. After hours of pouring over my book I looked up.

And smiled.

I don't really know why seeing the underside of a tree made me happy, but it did. The way its branches splayed over me and the dense, yet vibrant, green leaves sheltered me from... everything. The way the tree was like my own little umbrella, tucking me away from the world. Like it was wrapping its arms over me, allowing me to escape into a dream while promising I wouldn't be disturbed. I followed the trunk with my eyes until the leaves blocked it from view. I could climb it and see what the world was like at the top, but i was content at the bottom, gazing up.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

summer is HERE #2 [last day of school]

Today was the last official day of school. I took my last final (Free Enterprise) and I'm pretty sure I made 100 on it. My old, sarcastic teacher actually broke down and cried, something that almost made me cry, because he's always so hilariously heartless! And yet he has a soul... Good man Mr. Hall is, good man.

I said a million goodbyes, hoping that I'll see some of my friends over the summer. I already have plans to go to Coldstone Creamery tomorrow to visit one, as I didn't get to say bye to her today. Also turns out that maybe my crush (kind of sort of?) won't move after all, and to top it all off I spent the whole day being a passenger of Samantha, as she got her license today. Oh man.

A million goodbyes, a million hugs, and a million, "WE'RE GOING TO BE JUNIORS!!"

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

summer is HERE

I love to go outside, soak up every ounce of sun I can, then crawl back into bed and take a cat nap while sun is radiating from my skin.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

another end, another beginning

Sophomore year is drawing to a close. I'm not even going to school Monday (forget p.e and English finals!), but I must go the next two days for Algebra and Free Enterprise. Should be a snap. Overall I think this school year was loads better than last year. Freshmen year I was in a shell, afraid to branch out in the big, new school. Even in band, I was rather suckish on the flute, though the director stuck me in the honors band, and needless to say I was last chair. I think I was just afraid. And I don't know why. I was standing in one spot, afraid to reach out and feel what was around me.

THIS year, however, was great! As early as band camp, I noticed a change. I wasn't new. I could play. Vibrato! I became a respected player among the flutes. Fourth chair. Throughout the year, I think the flutes became closer than we were last year, too, which helped. I also made honor band, and had an amazing concert season, which has me pumped for band camp. Weird. (But with a piccolo!) I got to know more of the juniors, too, which just brings the band closer together.

As for classes, I think I had it easier this year than freshmen year. I really only had to worry about Algebra and Biology because... well... in English we didn't do anything, and the same goes for Civics/Free Enterprise, French, P.E, and band is band. All you have to do is make sure you don't freeze up when the director randomly calls on you to play in front of everyone. I managed to get straight A's the whole year except the Algebra midterm, but whatever. Can get a 65 on the final and still have an A average! (Note: This is not bragging. This is for me to look back on and I smile and think, "Oh wasn't I a smart little bugger!") Oh man.

Also this year I grew in friendship with so many people. I love walking through the halls and having a bunch of friends smile at me or say "Hey!" This past semester I actually tried to be more cheery around others and gave extra efforts to smile at everyone. Maybe they needed it, maybe they didn't. I rooted friendships with so many people this year, and with my already-friends the roots grew deeper. Friends made me want to come to school. I looked forward to certain classes because I knew when I walked in, I'd hear "KATIE PRICE!" So happy. I'm actually a tad depressed for summer because I won't get to see them everyday.

I think I'm a shy flower, just starting to bloom. Hopefully junior will be amazing too, if not more amazing. I have three A.P classes to die in, band galore, and more friends to make. Graduation's tomorrow, I spent about an hour at Books-A-Million making posters for band seniors, I wish all seniors good luck, and I'm moving up.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

piccolo

The end of the year is here, which means band people gearing up for next year's marching season! Everyone had their fair share of drum major and section leader tryouts, and for me, piccolo tryouts.

Our director kept telling us that the pic auditions would happen soon, but the tryouts never came. One day I skipped p.e and went into the band room to practice piccolo; my opponent did the same.

I left disheartened. The chick was good. Better than me. For the rest of the afternoon I was a bit depressed and was in a mind set saying I wouldn't even make it; that there was no point in trying out. Nonetheless, I practiced that night, and realized that I was fine at playing.

And today the auditions occurred.

And I made it.

God truly is at work.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

a wave of glass [the long fall back to earth]

Some songs I float upon. I have no desire to reach underneath the wave of notes that's carrying me and see what composes it. I'm on a wave of glass gently chiming as it passes. I do not want to see the shards that make it beautiful. I am content with letting them ring with magic in my ears and letting it be a clinking confusion. Let it blanket me. Wash me away.

Other melodies I want to dissect. I want to know what each individual layer is, which notes are the foundation. I want it in me. I want to be in the ocean. I want to own it. But once this happens, the song almost loses its magical effect. I now know what it takes for the music to be that way. Sure, I digested it and it has my name stamped over it as "My Song," but it loses my interest. I can't get lost in it now, as I know my way out.

Maybe ignorance is bliss.


[The Long Fall Back to Earth by Jars of Clay]

Sunday, May 10, 2009

tough times and ramble

When people think "the economy," most have a strand of negative comments filling their mouths. Tension, depression, anxiety. Oh snap. Will I have my job tomorrow? Will I...? What if...?

But it is happening. Not to complain or anything, but my family is going to have to tighten its belt. Both of my parents could loose their jobs any minute now, but we have it better off than many other families.

And I have no problem whatsoever living off of Honey Bunches of Oats instead of our normal home-cooked meals.

We'll manage, though. Limit the items that aren't necessities, like extra clothes and restaurants. I'm just worried about our family emotionally. My mom tends to get frazzled easily, making our home reek of tension, which I don't handle well. I think if we keep a mask of happiness and continue prayers, we'll be fine. I feel guilty sometimes because I don't help enough around the house because I'm lazy and... lazy.

But not to be depressed! The news is drenched with enough sadness. Overall I'm dandy. Got my friends, got my man (maybe) and... I've never realized how fortunate my home life is. I know earlier I was just saying that my parents could loose their jobs, but we're closely knit. Most of my friends have trouble with their home life, but I feel like I have all this extra love. So I conclude that I should give it to my friends, just in case they need someone.

And now I'm talking about whatever. Tomorrow us band nerds try out for drum major or section leader, and I hope to play piccolo next year! And seniors are already done... Soon I'll be done... And life is going by too quickly.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

to sing

I have a friend who, bless her golden heart, doesn't... have the cheerleader looks, I should say.

But she has magic in her.

One day in band we were lounging around, and she was busying herself with algebra homework, a song was spinning in her head. She randomly sung a few lyrics, which reminded me of how lovely her singing is.

It's magic. Her voice gushes out of her, like a river that envelopes me in... satisfaction? Like my ears have been craving that particular sound, and she quenches my thirst. It's like a gate opening up for us to see everything inside of her. Light, color, energy. It's warm. It's how she blossoms. It sounds so pure. I don't dare sing because I know I'll sound like a dying cat next to her.

It's beautiful.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

an inside look

Why? I ask myself (yes I'm converting into first person) when I talk with one of my friends. Why is she so... cynical? Pessimistic? Sure, she enjoys a good laugh, but underneath it's like she can't trust anyone. And I guess not, as she's having the most terrible time trying to get along with her parents. They threaten to take everything from her, and I'm guessing their "kindness" has stained her view of the world. It's getting to where she doesn't care. She wants the easy way out. Give up? I hope not. She has potential, but her will is crumbling.

Also, I found out that another friend can take emotional overload. Numerous family mishaps have occurred within a few months, but she continued with the happy mask I always knew her to wear. Then, yesterday, everything came tumbling out. Tears, gasps, explanations, everything. I've never seen her cry. I've never known her to be anything except happy. And yet I sat beside her, trying to untangle the garbled words that she sputtered, and my heart... broke? Her mood washed over me, and for the rest of the day I was a bit depressed. I ached to comfort her. She had laughed a little, apologizing for crying, and I saw a flicker of the old, happy friend. But when the tears flowed, the sad girl I knew not came back. She had been tormented with all this news for months, and yet she never showed it. I never knew how strong she was.