Monday, December 14, 2009

By the way, I quit my diet.

The song was vibrant and lush. It was thriving, entwining notes within itself, and crescendo into a beautiful melody.

And then, very gradually, decomposed into a trickling clink of piano.

Their friendship was like a rocket launch. A few words passed their lips, and then, suddenly, they were thrown together for the ride. They blossomed together, learning, sharing, laughing. Within a few months they had created a tower of friendship so passionate they deemed themselves the best of friends. When together, everything was right. Reality was shoved in the corner of their minds. It occasionally pricked her thoughts, however, reminding that their friendship was coming to an end quickly. Sure, they would always be friends, but college would separate them. Distance would settle inside the space that would form. And she was scared. She didn’t want to loose her best friend.

But she only knew the surface of her friend. Her past was a hazy mystery that she was slowly untangling. Dark secrets would sprout to the surface. Being her best friend, of course, she would not utter them to a soul. Sex was a secret, but she was sure it was a one-time thing for her. After all, her friend wasn’t like that. She was better than that. She was positive that her friend would save love.

So she continued skipping through life, a grin illuminating her face. Everything was right as long as they had each other.

Of course, happiness needs a rest.

Secrets from outside sources filled her ears. No. They were tarnishing her friend. But they were oh so true. Sex still. Still. Her respect she once held for her crumpled. Let down. Falling, falling. She would keep that from her? She didn’t trust her? After all, they were best friends. Supposed to tell your best friend anything. Let down. Trust melting.

Feel alone.

Monday, November 30, 2009

"There IS no dessert!"

The holiday season. Filled with sugar and warmth and bread. Things you probably take for granted.

You see, about a week ago my mother stumbled upon a little devil called "The Sugar Challenge," composed by Dr. Eric Snow (whoever he is..). The Challenge states that for three weeks, one cannot have any sugar except natural sugar. Sounds like no candy, right? Oh so wrong.

My mother leaped at the idea, and thinking this "diet" could help me evade Christmas pounds, I joined her in the challenge. 21 days. How hard could it be?


I'm only allowed to eat vegetables, fruit, meat, cheese, eggs, and nuts. That's right, no bread. I love bread. When I get home from school, sluggish from all the homework stuffed into my bag, I think nothing's better than eating something warm and with bread. I must resort to cheese now. Today I drank herbal tea. Rather a long shot from hot chocolate. And zucchini soup. Not even going to start on that one.

At lunch, I bring fruit. This isn't that big of a shock, as I've been snacking on apples for the past year in the cafeteria. But there's something about cafeteria food. It's, once again, warm and appetizing. After a cold morning of school, I need warm, comfort food. Does fruit provide this? Heavens no. It's cold and wet. It also doesn't help to watch people eat junk food the whole half-hour of lunch. And, of course, they get too filled up with all that saturated fat, and they offer me the food. I politely decline.

I walked by a vending machine and realized I can have nothing in it.

I miss granola bars, as they've been my diet for the past three months.

Despite all this lovely complaining, I'm hoping three weeks of this torture will pay off in the end. It's only the fourth day. Why yes, I'm being a tad over-dramatic. I'll keep updates to see if my view has changed on the Challenge.

Friday, November 27, 2009

keep in mind I'm a little rusty

She was alone in a sea of people. Despite the close knit fabricated by the bodies, coldness still managed to bite her. She drew her frayed coat closer around her, trying to retain nonexistent warmth. Waiting for the subway was low on her list of enjoyment. She scanned the nearest people around her. Typical. A woman desperately trying to control her crazed children. A bulky man that looked like he could punch the daylights out of her. A young man clad in a suit, gripping a briefcase. Probably business man. Lawyer. Waste his life away in an office. He kept a straight face, because in his world the poker face was a necessity. Already going downhill, but frantically trying to pull his life together.

She blinked. No, his life probably wasn’t anything like hers. Or what used to be of it.

After agonizing minutes, the bullet pulled into its place. Like a herd of cattle, the ocean of people surged forward. Sucked into the tidal wave of boarding, she managed to squeeze through the doors. It would be a fight for a seat, but she was willing to claw her way to one. After today, she needed to sit down.

She mentally checked off what had gone wrong today. Rent was overdue. Job going to ashes. In fact, she hated it. What happened to her dream? It crumbled, and now she was left with the ruins she had now.

She mentally checked off what was going wrong in her life. Boyfriend had put her out with the trash. Boss had recently replaced his heart with a stone. Happiness was like a mirage. Seeing it, she ran full on, but once she arrived, nothing was there. Reality was there. Nightmare?

Pulling her bag on her lap, she fished out a photograph. A younger version of her grinned back at her, enveloped in the arms of four of her friends. Endless memories wove through them, each one stitched together with love. At the end of high school, promises blossomed. Yes, I’ll call everyday! You know we’ll be visiting each other every weekend. Driving up to your school isn’t a problem at all! It was goodbye, just an extended vacation without them. It’s just college. A few miles can’t stop us.

Apparently, distance held more weight than they thought.

A reunion. Proposed by the most creative one out of their group. After six years. To her knowledge, everyone had enthusiastically agreed. Heck, it had felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Maybe, it would be like there had never been an absence. Maybe with everyone back together, her life would pick itself back up and everything would be a blissful ride like it was in high school. Maybe they could fix her.

Friends can’t fix lives. The joy of reunion slowly decomposed to anxiety. All her friends were probably successful. Half were most likely married. Rich, even. Mothers, possibly? Self-consciousness swallowed her. What was she? Poor. Desperate. Failing job. Well, you’ve got it going on. What if they judged her? This question brought forth a new wave of fear that was starting to drown her.

Well, there’s no going back. The subway had kicked her onto the curb of her destination. An up-scale restaurant. She hoped she could afford an appetizer. Who chose this again? Oh yes, mutual agreement. She must have been on something when complying.

Take a gulp of air, she began walking toward the restaurant.

“Look! There... she is...”

“Oh! Um, hey?”

“Wow look at... you!”

Embarrassment slapped her on the face, leaving a blush. This was a disaster. She had fallen since high school. She didn’t belong with these people. They had risen above her. How rude wold it be to turn around and exit? She could say she had forgotten something...

The vision left her mind. Oh, God. What if that happened? She was screwed. If she had half a brain, she would turn around now. Stand them up. Sure.

She pushed the glass door open. One step at a time. One breath at time. She spotted them. Insecure, much? Too late to dash, they’ve spotted you.


Four pairs of arms attacked her at once. They held her tight, their babbling voices cheerfully pecking her with questions. But she didn’t hear them. They still cared. That was all that mattered. They still loved.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

a title is needed.

I'm slowly inching my way back into this.

Very slowly.

Anyway, I have plans to run away from school , preferably tonight, leaving my mound of of homework in my backsack where it can wither away and grow yellow. This plan reminds me of another: overwhelmed with the thought of going through the college process, my friend and I have adopted the motto "Who NEEDS education?" and we'll be touring Europe sometime in the fall of 2011. After that I think we'll bum a living in the great NYC, me becoming a successful author while she's on Broadway. Lovely life.

School update:
APUSH has taken over my life. It's a historical monster that taunts me with the Reconstruction and Andrew Johnson, while it sprinkles dates on me that I have no hope of remembering. Too many reading guides, too many tests, and essays that go against everything you've learned in English. While all hope seems lost, however, the teacher (Hunsaker!) is "boss" as they say, and she makes the class worthwhile. For Christmas we're making her the correct depiction of Washington Crossing the Delaware, as the original painting is a spatter of lies.

For band, marching season is at a close. Now we just have to wait for the football team to lose in the playoffs so we'll never have to roll-step on that crummy parking lot again! Maybe Friday... maybe Friday. We're getting into concert mode, my embrasure is screwed up from playing piccolo (but that's okay) and we have mid-terms coming up and I don't even know the music. Woo.

Chemistry. I understand it! End of story. Go home and feel joy for me people, I'm raking in those As.

All other subjects are irrelevant at the moment.

If I had time, I would insert a little something from a story I had composed, but since I don't, be satisfied with this.

Monday, October 26, 2009


A new design for a new resolution: let's blog more often, shall we?

Coffee, though I don't particularly enjoy it. Just Chai Tea Lattes.


It's been over a month.

I've never waited this long to post.

But junior year is the most hectic year of my life.

Between band and homework and friends, I hardly have any time. When I do have a moment to spare, I'd rather be outside. Or sleeping. Or something that doesn't require thought.

What has happened since September? Everything.

Band has been going well. We have our final competition Saturday at Northwestern University. Lovely campus.

Barbe is about to head off to the playoffs (I hope) within a few more games.

School has been.. alright. I don't enjoy it as much as I did last year because of the six hours of homework every night. Run down:
Mythology- easiest class ever. I eat granola bars/nap.
AP U.S History- class that requires the most work, but the teacher makes up for it because she's amazing and makes me laugh until I can't breathe.
BAND- the story of my life
AP Psychology- "The joke of the AP classes."
AP English- I enjoy it. All we've been doing is analyzing things, but it's not bad. Not bad at all.
Pre-AP Chemistry- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I have a B in this class at the moment. :'( Why? WHY! Oh well. I'm struggling to stay afloat.
Pre-Calculus- Eh. Being the teacher's 7th hour, she naturally hates us and I was surprised that she knew my name.

I'm still hanging in there, but I don't have any Katie Time. I'll try to post more often...

Sunday, September 6, 2009

oh snap

It's been forever since my last post! Oh well. School sucks all my time up! From stumbling onto the school parking lot at 6 a.m for band practice to busting out of school at 3 (followed with laziness and homework) I haven't had any time for blogging or writing, which is severely depressing. I HAVE thought of another story. Hopefully.

Friday was Barbe's first game! One of my friends and I rapped to Phantom of the Opera/ jammed on the way up to Tioga (some school that we CRUSHED in Pineville), and we later jammed in the stands! It would have been even more enjoyable if I was fever-free. I hope it's a good marching season.

I just finished the Kite Runner. READ it.

I am surprisingly doing well in Chemistry!

I need to practice my flute for honor band..

I was going to watch Pride and Prejudice today...!

I should write. Just sit down and GO.

I need to read the Scarlet Letter.

I want to make honor band. ContraBand!

I need to finish my homework (which is never ending woo!)

But overall, life's good.